I loved enough to let u go

I loved with all i have until u said it was not enough,a good bye was tough but i fared it well

for all your happiness that awaits,

I dwell in thoughts to find out right, but it was just me n my head that fight

series of ballad songs i tried to hide the pain when i cried

Old cliche seems so true, time heals all the wound,

I loved you enough to let you go, to laugh enough and spread the glow..

Unnamed Ramblings

I thought and then re-thought what to write although there was an urge which was calling me to write! as if I was stuck somewhere in the middle of something I don’t even know. Mind struggling with thoughts, with memories which I doubt I will ever be able to overcome. I read artifacts, discussed with people made
every possible way of knowing myself, what resides in me! It is necessary to know yourself before you bid a good bye to this world and every time I think I was closer to knowing my self I was proved wrong. My life added unanswered questions be it in the existence of god or in the existence of myself. May be I started observing this world way before I should have, but call it a destiny or my innersole I started taking my life more seriously, delved into the thoughts more precisely when the people of my age were freaking out, having fun in their life and I am  busy with the analysis of whatever is happening to/in my life, smaller or bigger but I took everything  minutely, so that may be at a point of time I will know myself better.
Uproar in my mind, what seems right often goes wrong, the sacrifices, the love people have given seems to be feigned at a point. May be I was too young to differentiate between the truth n lie, dissemblance often surrounded me. However, hard i tried to be optimistic at the later part of life the expectations shattered away.
Sometimes I do think its not the story about me but with most of us some trying to find their loved ones, some battling for a good job, some for the tranquility at their door step. Most of us probably have never found time thinking about themselves, what makes them, what makes them different from others, why they are so? when rest of the janta are unlike them? May be we are so busy to find the outer truth that the inner truth is left obscure. Let’s take an example why we fight with others or have grudges? Why can’t we all live united? What stops us? Ego you may say or may be the other person have defected enough so you retaliate. Ever since we were born we have been told “Tit For Tat” or may be in a highly moral families, or the followers of gandhitva “Tit For 2 Tats”. But it never created peace, friends, harmony. We always find it hard to maintain our own individuality, our ingenious, the distinct quality we posses. Rather we want to be someone like our neighbors, forgetting about the sheer existence of me. Now tell me where is your Ego(me in me) went? Strange we never question this when it comes to forgiving the person or making a friend out of an enemy or may be we love foes instead a friend. If ego is all about yourself then where does you lie when you take revenge. There is nothing good or bad in this world the absence of good makes bad.

Crumbling Hopes...

Hmmm….how devastating your life could be? Failure, break up, a sudden demise of your loved one, family under financial turmoil, what more? Well, nothing could be worse than these, but to lose the sight of your passion because of a failure. The constant efforts, the reason of your living are now being challenged. We lose hope from ourselves, from the very fact that we have been bestowed with a life, which has now been deserted anyway. I remember losing my friends, my loved ones, the memories fading away, and the special dates becoming less significant like history dates. May be this is life, teaching us to move on, proving us wrong when we are less likely to accept the truth, crumbling the hopes, the fantasies and on top of it believes in ourselves. The only option we are left with to accept whatever comes, succumbing to circumstances. We give up at the very point when a little push could have done wonders; we become so pessimist that we forget that miracles do happen, and it does, while in few cases early n in few a bit delayed. Every failure and loss is being answered but only when you are ready to accept the change, take that extra risk of surveillance to know what counts in your life to remorse on the past or make your future better. Give your wings the fire it deserves…

Imprints of the Unknown!!

In life we meet people, i definitely call it a sheer confidence out of nowhere they popups into our lives and significantly alters our so called self. This existence of someone starts with the time we are born, we get parents, relatives, bloodline if we are fortunate enough. Though there are people who are born in solitude sadly they don't get their families and relatives by default. They grow up among the people who have no direct connections with them, either they choose their family or they are being chosen. 

Well I was among the fortunate clan who got her name in legacy. Born and brought up by an over supportive and sensitive parents, cared and nurtured by the immediate relatives and neighbors and guided and motivated by the school teachers. In short from the day we arrive on this earth we find people around us who give life different meanings and social relations. During our kindergarten the very first social and independent interaction we do to choose someone to play with, to talk with because so far our parents were the only friends. Among those acquaintances few become our good friends and probably a best friend about whom we can talk for hours. So you understand the cycle how it is a mere interaction can turns in to a close bond. 

Then we grow up our friends' circle increases, now we take logical considerations in selecting friends with whom to share our secrets, the clandestine talks about our crushes, to spend time in leisure, to share the first piece of birthday cakes and many more, hereby we create distinction and give importance accordingly. Interestingly these people have a larger impact on us they can make us laugh and cry. Along the journey we meet so many people we remember few, few become oblivion and the rest were never in the picture even we shared the same boat. Although some friendships lasts for an year or two or three and starts fading away. Yet there are people whose imprints can never disappear. The friendship that remains intact , that remains unshakable and the glory of which intensifies with time and they are only few which can be counted on fingers. It's not that they don't fight, argue the time does take the test of your bond  but they surpasses all of them. 

I was not an exception to have found these friends who stood for me like another family, who motivates me through my pitfalls and plateaus, who cares and nurtures me with all their heart, who loves me with no conditions for them being happy is to make me happy and laugh. I am blessed that i don't have a gang of friends but a few on whom i can always count on, they popped up in my life and here is our story....

BreathTaking

It is said a well beginning is half done. Boarding the plane was nevertheless easy with series of scrutiny and quintessential formalities. Heart pounding with the luggage check in,what if it over weights the permissible kilograms,what if they found anything suspicious, what if they hold me back, all of a sudden i became optimistically pessimist. It was around 3 in the morning when i was done with the last phase of checking and my bags tagged with emirate airline. I went to the waiting lodge, took a seat, a corner one succumbed to uneasiness, retrospecting , millions of thoughts gushing. Well, that was not a time to restrain myself instead the time to cherish. I looked around there were singles, families, kids, mother rebuking their children , father fetching water, few enjoying the cushioned sofas, people coming going and the perfunctory announcements. Everything seemed so familiar but it was not the same. I was daunted by the seeming beauty of the interior,exquisite furniture , arts, chandeliers, cafes and every piece of it was perfect. So far everything was unblemished, and it was one of dreams that was going to be manifested.

I was hungry and thirsty too. Last night was full of anxiety and i skipped my dinner to control the very emotion. The long wait of silence and nap was finally broken by the boarding announcement  for my flight. That step forward which will be imprinted throughout my life, the unimaginable truth of my life which was just a dream minutes back. A warm welcome from the crew members, the tangible business class which so far i have watched on internet and the economy class where i was supposed to be seated. There were people looking for their seats and among them i was there who will be sharing this amazing journey with them mostly passively as co passengers except the few who will be seating adjacent to me and the flight attendants who will be taking care of our comfort. Just in sometime the plane finally took off giving us the thrust and little bit of nausea. I could see the juggling lights, the creeks of Arabian sea where a city which never sleeps dwells and she was out of sight in no time. It was all dark outside clueless of the vector in which the plane was heading though the monitor displayed the destination in miles and it''s trajectory. That was not it....

Dream to Reality

Exactly 2 months back something amazing happened to me, a knock on the door. Well, it was an opportunity to go to the UK and definitely you will not be surprised if i said YES to it. How can I not, London I always wished to be there. I still remember my school days' conversations with my friends the place each of us wanted to visit when we grow young and here I was just close to one of my dreams which will be a reality soon. 

Although i was asked to take consent from my parents if i am in for it or not but in my heart i knew that even if they disagree i am going to convince them. Well i did not have to try hard enough and there it all started with visa processing and the struggle for the documentation. I was overjoyed with the feeling of a new beginning, new places and  new culture. I was more than happy that after a long time something  was happening I always wished for. This never made me arrogant nor did I flaunt this publicly because this was something for myself, my family members and few of my very close friends. I said thanks to God,to my parents for letting me dream and supporting me till I make it possible and to my office colleagues for their entrust. 

Clueless how the UK is going to treat me all I was concerned was about the visa. I just wanted to be in the UK as soon as possible without any waste of time. It took a little long than expected but it was worth. I got enough time to shop,to party and to complete my office work to the extent that i don't have much pressure at onsite. Thanks to my roommate we really did some nice shopping, enjoyed every single day for the time i was in Mumbai. Impatiently waiting for documentation and visa phase to get over, meanwhile got all medical and basic formalities done. The time was ticking and there it was 21st March I got my Visa stamped for the United Kingdom. The wait was not yet over I had to wait for another 8 days for my flight to the UK but the days flew by in final touch to shopping, packing, nitty gritties and often a gust of feeling ran into me for my parents,friends, office colleagues, a little bit of nostalgia which i can never avoid. 

Eager for a new journey to commence but anxious also how it is going to surprise me.A day before my departure my parents landed to Mumbai to shower their blessings and to my mom's disposition she helped me in packing and arranging my stuffs which would had been miserable otherwise. Thanks to my understanding manager i was able to give good time to my parents, threw a small party at my office and did some last minute shopping,true shopping is a never ending thing for us. The only sight of relief was that i will be away from pollution, traffic, summer heat and noise which had become a part of my life for last 3 years.

So it took almost 2 months to get the green signal for my fly the special date 29th March 2014 4:20 am on Emirates. My other two wishes got ticked my first international flight and that too Emirates. I believe our small- small dreams keep us alive and strive us to try harder, the dreams may be subjective person to person but indeed they become our reasons to live. I started from my place for the international airport which is actually 15 mins from my place accompanied by mom and dad to fare me well. They were worried I could see it in their eyes, but I avoided direct contact because I knew any one of us could had busted out in tears which I did not want to happen. So with the mixed feeling and taking their blessings I stepped forward for a new start. There were few things I left behind especially my parents, few good friends , couple of memories and my nation. It's not that I will not be going back but yes these few things makes my life LIFE. I don't remember how many years it took for my dream to manifest but all I know is the journey has been amazing...

Keep reading to know how the UK welcomed me...

Veneration

The other side of life which this city has unfloded for me was the love for my family and especially my mother.We human beings hava a tendency of taking things for granted and when it is lost all we are left with is regret. 
Well, i was fortunate enough to realise this deep emotion and attachment for my family before it was too late. For me life was easy, fun and i never gave importance to the most important part of my life my mother. I still remember the way she has grown two of us my brother and me, with all the gentle care and love. I have seen her struggling, saving but still not a single plight of disgust or desperation. Happy and meek as she has acquired all the wisdom of being merry, impregnable to circumstances as if she has been through all the good and bad times. Ever since i grew up i wanted to be independent and till now my mother is someone who entrusted me, believed me and backed me up to make independent decisions. Even after so many years she is someone i love to be dependent on. Sharing with her is so much relief, being with her is like having in abundance, hearing to her is like taking up life's lessons. I would have never realised the absence of her since this city however seems noisy and crowded still has some hollownes in it, some questions that still seek answers, the silence deep inside the heart of people, the search for that peace is still on. The matter of fact that with the advancement of life, people getting more self centered and the freaking job leave us with a very little time to even think about the closest people of our life. People like us are not misfits to this city, we have very well accomodated ourselves but the only thing which we have forgotten is that far from us there are people who everyday pray for our happiness for our success for our better life and we have to give them just a bit of our time, a bit of concern and the reverence which they deserve. 
Since childhood she is the one who has held me whenever i fall and this time too she was there with her tender love. Love you mom.