Unnamed Ramblings

I thought and then re-thought what to write although there was an urge which was calling me to write! as if I was stuck somewhere in the middle of something I don’t even know. Mind struggling with thoughts, with memories which I doubt I will ever be able to overcome. I read artifacts, discussed with people made
every possible way of knowing myself, what resides in me! It is necessary to know yourself before you bid a good bye to this world and every time I think I was closer to knowing my self I was proved wrong. My life added unanswered questions be it in the existence of god or in the existence of myself. May be I started observing this world way before I should have, but call it a destiny or my innersole I started taking my life more seriously, delved into the thoughts more precisely when the people of my age were freaking out, having fun in their life and I am  busy with the analysis of whatever is happening to/in my life, smaller or bigger but I took everything  minutely, so that may be at a point of time I will know myself better.
Uproar in my mind, what seems right often goes wrong, the sacrifices, the love people have given seems to be feigned at a point. May be I was too young to differentiate between the truth n lie, dissemblance often surrounded me. However, hard i tried to be optimistic at the later part of life the expectations shattered away.
Sometimes I do think its not the story about me but with most of us some trying to find their loved ones, some battling for a good job, some for the tranquility at their door step. Most of us probably have never found time thinking about themselves, what makes them, what makes them different from others, why they are so? when rest of the janta are unlike them? May be we are so busy to find the outer truth that the inner truth is left obscure. Let’s take an example why we fight with others or have grudges? Why can’t we all live united? What stops us? Ego you may say or may be the other person have defected enough so you retaliate. Ever since we were born we have been told “Tit For Tat” or may be in a highly moral families, or the followers of gandhitva “Tit For 2 Tats”. But it never created peace, friends, harmony. We always find it hard to maintain our own individuality, our ingenious, the distinct quality we posses. Rather we want to be someone like our neighbors, forgetting about the sheer existence of me. Now tell me where is your Ego(me in me) went? Strange we never question this when it comes to forgiving the person or making a friend out of an enemy or may be we love foes instead a friend. If ego is all about yourself then where does you lie when you take revenge. There is nothing good or bad in this world the absence of good makes bad.

Crumbling Hopes...

Hmmm….how devastating your life could be? Failure, break up, a sudden demise of your loved one, family under financial turmoil, what more? Well, nothing could be worse than these, but to lose the sight of your passion because of a failure. The constant efforts, the reason of your living are now being challenged. We lose hope from ourselves, from the very fact that we have been bestowed with a life, which has now been deserted anyway. I remember losing my friends, my loved ones, the memories fading away, and the special dates becoming less significant like history dates. May be this is life, teaching us to move on, proving us wrong when we are less likely to accept the truth, crumbling the hopes, the fantasies and on top of it believes in ourselves. The only option we are left with to accept whatever comes, succumbing to circumstances. We give up at the very point when a little push could have done wonders; we become so pessimist that we forget that miracles do happen, and it does, while in few cases early n in few a bit delayed. Every failure and loss is being answered but only when you are ready to accept the change, take that extra risk of surveillance to know what counts in your life to remorse on the past or make your future better. Give your wings the fire it deserves…

Imprints of the Unknown!!

In life we meet people, i definitely call it a sheer confidence out of nowhere they popups into our lives and significantly alters our so called self. This existence of someone starts with the time we are born, we get parents, relatives, bloodline if we are fortunate enough. Though there are people who are born in solitude sadly they don't get their families and relatives by default. They grow up among the people who have no direct connections with them, either they choose their family or they are being chosen. 

Well I was among the fortunate clan who got her name in legacy. Born and brought up by an over supportive and sensitive parents, cared and nurtured by the immediate relatives and neighbors and guided and motivated by the school teachers. In short from the day we arrive on this earth we find people around us who give life different meanings and social relations. During our kindergarten the very first social and independent interaction we do to choose someone to play with, to talk with because so far our parents were the only friends. Among those acquaintances few become our good friends and probably a best friend about whom we can talk for hours. So you understand the cycle how it is a mere interaction can turns in to a close bond. 

Then we grow up our friends' circle increases, now we take logical considerations in selecting friends with whom to share our secrets, the clandestine talks about our crushes, to spend time in leisure, to share the first piece of birthday cakes and many more, hereby we create distinction and give importance accordingly. Interestingly these people have a larger impact on us they can make us laugh and cry. Along the journey we meet so many people we remember few, few become oblivion and the rest were never in the picture even we shared the same boat. Although some friendships lasts for an year or two or three and starts fading away. Yet there are people whose imprints can never disappear. The friendship that remains intact , that remains unshakable and the glory of which intensifies with time and they are only few which can be counted on fingers. It's not that they don't fight, argue the time does take the test of your bond  but they surpasses all of them. 

I was not an exception to have found these friends who stood for me like another family, who motivates me through my pitfalls and plateaus, who cares and nurtures me with all their heart, who loves me with no conditions for them being happy is to make me happy and laugh. I am blessed that i don't have a gang of friends but a few on whom i can always count on, they popped up in my life and here is our story....

BreathTaking

It is said a well beginning is half done. Boarding the plane was nevertheless easy with series of scrutiny and quintessential formalities. Heart pounding with the luggage check in,what if it over weights the permissible kilograms,what if they found anything suspicious, what if they hold me back, all of a sudden i became optimistically pessimist. It was around 3 in the morning when i was done with the last phase of checking and my bags tagged with emirate airline. I went to the waiting lodge, took a seat, a corner one succumbed to uneasiness, retrospecting , millions of thoughts gushing. Well, that was not a time to restrain myself instead the time to cherish. I looked around there were singles, families, kids, mother rebuking their children , father fetching water, few enjoying the cushioned sofas, people coming going and the perfunctory announcements. Everything seemed so familiar but it was not the same. I was daunted by the seeming beauty of the interior,exquisite furniture , arts, chandeliers, cafes and every piece of it was perfect. So far everything was unblemished, and it was one of dreams that was going to be manifested.

I was hungry and thirsty too. Last night was full of anxiety and i skipped my dinner to control the very emotion. The long wait of silence and nap was finally broken by the boarding announcement  for my flight. That step forward which will be imprinted throughout my life, the unimaginable truth of my life which was just a dream minutes back. A warm welcome from the crew members, the tangible business class which so far i have watched on internet and the economy class where i was supposed to be seated. There were people looking for their seats and among them i was there who will be sharing this amazing journey with them mostly passively as co passengers except the few who will be seating adjacent to me and the flight attendants who will be taking care of our comfort. Just in sometime the plane finally took off giving us the thrust and little bit of nausea. I could see the juggling lights, the creeks of Arabian sea where a city which never sleeps dwells and she was out of sight in no time. It was all dark outside clueless of the vector in which the plane was heading though the monitor displayed the destination in miles and it''s trajectory. That was not it....